Love yourself before you love other person

 Der diary, should i stop loving him ? But i still love him.. but i think that he doesnt love me! Idk maybe i ni tempat dia lepaskan rasa bosan dia je kot! Maybe! I hate this feeling! I hope that one day benda apa yg i fikir semuanya x betul! I hope so! Tapi kalau betul apa yang aku rasa ni yes starting from now i need to slow down loving him.. make a distance between me and him! Yeah tu je cara for me to move one again! Benci nye nak kena rasa move on tu balik 🥲🥲.. yeah if this one boy xjadi yes aku akan tutup semua pintu hatiku.. maybe aku x nak kahwin yeahh doa aku time aku sekolah menengah dah terkabul maybe.. aku pernah untuk tak nak kahwin 😂😂.. funny right ? Yeah but the reality tu lah! Dulu i pernah doa untuk xnak kahwin but my friend slalu yakinkan i yang ada je lelaki dlm dunia ni yang baik.. but yeah untill now i dont find it yet! Sampai aku sendiri dah heartless damnnnn!!!!! 😮‍💨😮‍💨

Im tired

 Dear diary, aku penat lah! Why dia always argue me about that one ??? Why ? Aku x faham lah dengan dia apa lagi yang dia nak ? Apa lagi ? Aku sumpah aku penat lah! U know what i just pretend that im happy, i just pretend that im okay nothing happen but deep inside on my heart sangat2 sedih, kecewa dengan diri sendiri, marah dengan diri sendiri.. why i choose this path ? Aku tau aku x sepatutnya pilih jalan tu i know that! Aku tau aku dah salah pilih jalan!! Nak patah balik ? Dah x boleh dh.. nak menyesal ? Dah terjadi dh pun.. sumpah aku benci dngn diri aku sendiri yeah aku mengaku aku buat silap pada masa tu. Silap terbesar aku pernah buat dalam hidup aku.. aku x sepatutnya buat! 

Either he love me or he just pretend love me ???

 Dear diary, i ada kenal dengan one boy his name are AMMAR. Idk either he love me or he just pretend that he love me ?????!! I confuse! Bnyak gila persoalan dia betul2 ke cintakan aku ? Or dia hanya suka & sayang sahaja dekat aku ? Or maybe dia hanya nak permainkan hati & perasaan aku sahaja ???.. Dia memang x boleh move on lagi dengan ex dia. Why i say that ? Because semua twitter dia pasal ex dia. SEMUA!! Benci gila arh!!!!!!! I just penat je dipermainkan thats it!!!!

3/11/2022

 Dear diary, i dont know how to describe my feeling right now. I feel sad, i feel guilty, i feel happy or maybe i just pretend to be happy! I salah. I make a wrong decision! Why sophia why ? I feel guilty to my late mother! Why sophia? Why are u do this ? Why ? Why? Im so stupid wei! Sumpah bodoh gila! Why i need to do this ? Why ? I hate myself right now i hate it so much! Ibu im so sorry ibu! I really sorry! I hate myself! Sumpah aku benci gila dengan diri aku sendiri!!!! Whyyyyy sophia why u do this sophia ? Why ? Ni dah tersasar jauh sngat dh ni sophia. Bodoh lah kau ni sophia sumpah bodoh gila kau ni!!!!!!!! Arghhhhhhhh!!! I hate this feeling!!!!!! If bunuh diri tu xde hukum i rasa dh lama i bunuh diri but i still think about my mom! Yeah i love her so much! But what are u doing right now sophia ? What have you done sophia ? U kata u sayangkan ur mom but what are u done right now sophia ?? U are so stupid lah sophia!!! BODOH BODOH yang teramat BODOH kau ni sophiaaaaaa!!!!!!!!!!

Mummy

24/1/2020

My dear diaries,

I dont how to describe my feelings right now . But i feel that i want to cry and i need someone! Damn I hate this feelings 😭😭 Mom if you here right now i just wanna say that I miss you so much!😭😭 I really miss you! I need you! I want you! I cant handle my feelings right now mom! I wanna tell you the whole story 😭😭😭 mom i really need you 😭😭 No one can replace you .. I LOVE YOU MOM! 😘😘